****
These walls are funny. First you hate them, then you get used to them. After long enough, you get so you depend on them.
****
______________________ The session____________________
Once again I stood at Dr. Salinsky's white painted, awakingly bright office. I wondered if that was just another trick of hers, another way to wake everyone up once and for all. Without a doubt, the solid hospital lamps were too lit for my taste, and so I turned to face the window.
Staring out into the nothing at all I held my breath for a moment. All there was was this rainy grey weather following me wherever I seemed to be going. It had my back, that's for sure. I put my hands onto the cold damp surface. Closing my eyes, yesterday and yesterday's yesterday started rewinding behind my eyelids. Images of me standing in a colorless room without a single piece of furniture emerged. Inside my head I could hear myself scream on the top of my lounges, until all of the sudden, my mind felt silent again.
I opened my eyes and found myself back with Dr. Salinsky. And the rain was yet there, silently watching me from the other side. My hands shivered as I imagined the rain drops crashing and tumbling down like a thousand of violent tears onto my face. I had forgotten.
Dr. Salinsky's voice was low and timid; from behind her desk she asked me a question or two. I had nothing more to say to her. I nodded and she swiftly rose and disappeared around the corner. I stood still, thinking about what she possibly could have asked me. I had never seen her get up and leave in a middle of a session before. I turned round to watch her empty chair, and the desk, the desk with a vase of yellow dying tulips.
Two minutes later she was back. Holding two cups of coffee, she handed me one of them saying "There you go, David. I hope you're not one of those milk-drinkers", she smiled. "Appearently we're out of milk, you see."
She went back to sit behind her desk. While sipping on her coffee for a minute or two she turned pages and scrabbled down a few sentences in her note book. Then all of the sudden, she sat straight up and looked at me with a welcoming smile. And so it began.
"David, how is school going?" she asked. I didn't know exactly what to say, so I didn't say anything. She waited for a minute before adding "Last time we spoke you told me that you and Timothy had walked past your school. And you said, quoting - "I felt like sitting down with my classmates." Do you feel like eventually going back, when you feel better again?"
I shook my head and said "No". And then again "No, I don't want to go back."
Softening her voice even more, she clarified that it had sounded as if I was curious about my friends, about what they were doing these days.
"Not really. I don't know why I said that."
Knowing I had disappointed her, she immediately started writing in her note book. The charcoal softly scratched the paper as I turned to watch the window again.
Inga kommentarer:
Skicka en kommentar